Jean M. DiGiovanna

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Compare No More!

Posted on Apr 26, 2011

By Jean Marie DiGiovanna

I can’t believe it’s been two years now since I moved from Boston to Boulder, CO. It really has been a catalyst for deep change and I have come a long way. I learned what it takes to “start over” from a business sense and build credibility and exposure locally. Personally, I have experienced having to make new friends in my 40’s which is a strange thing and can bring up all the insecurities from 8th grade, but I’ve begun to develop some great friendships. And, I’ve started on-line dating here so we’ll see how that goes :-) .

Being an extravert has helped me in getting out there but the deepest change I have experienced is the relationship with myself – and that requires lots of introspection and a willingness to let go of who I was to reveal who I’m capable of being. Surprisingly I have become more “introverted” and wondered if I was completely changing. Then, I realized going within helps me rebalance and stay grounded so that when I get “out there”, I am my best self and centered in my core values. When I am in that centered place, I am able to acknowledge and accept my own uniqueness and the more comfortable I feel in my own skin. Another byproduct comes out of that – the happier I can be for others.

For many years, I have compared myself to others. It’s human nature and as the saying goes, “When you compare, you will always find someone greater than you and lesser than you.” But, I would always seem to focus on those who had more and think what they had or achieved was better or more appealing than what I had or who I was. Or, I would secretly want what they have and immediately look at what was wrong with me. Sound familiar?

When we compare, we create a connection with the other that actually brings our energy and psyche down. Every time we compare, we create a negative connection to them (like a neuropath in our brains). Over time, if we never break those connections, they start pulling us down and draining our energy. We become tethered by our comparisons.

The way to break those connections (or neuropaths) is to begin, instead, to honor the other for their uniqueness and recognize how what they have or just accomplish so honors who they are. Honoring instead of comparing is clean – there is no negative connection built between you and them. Nothing is energetically tying you down – in fact, it completely frees you up.

What if each of us honored uniqueness in ourselves and others all the time? If we truly did, the concept of “comparing” would never exist. Interesting concept, huh? So, next time you compare yourself to others, stop and instead, say to yourself, “that so honors who they are” or “that so honors what they love” and see how different you feel after that.

Happy honoring this month!

Monthly Workout

Here is the simple 2-step workout to take on this month:

  1. When you find yourself comparing yourself to others, catch yourself and stop.  Instead, say to yourself “That so honors who they are” or “That so honors what they love” or “That so honors what they deserve”.  Basically, any sentence that fills in the blank “That so honors…..” will work.
  2. Saying it is one thing, but feeling it in your bones is another.  So, as you are saying it, practice feeling genuinely happy for them and notice how your energy may shift.

Let me know what transpires out of this exercise.


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